Mayor's Son, Bachelor Rancher, Boathouse 13
by A Girl Called Tennessee
Summary: The Mayor's Son, The Bachelor Rancher, and the Mystery of Boathouse 13! Three crazy stories rolled into one! A Gill surveillance log? A blind date? A haunted boathouse? So many things that can and will go wrong! read to find out!


The Mayor's Son, the Bachelor Rancher, and the Mystery of Boathouse 13

Cast in order of appearance: Gill, Luke, Dan (boy rancher), Owen, Chase, Hope (girl rancher), Phoebe, Cain, Hannah, Renee

* * *

Part One: The Mayor's Son

Gill looking very serious sitting at desk looking out window

Long silence

Gill: *yawn*

Luke, Dan, Owen and Chase sitting in town square

Luke: Gill Hamilton surveillance log?

Owen: What's that all about?

Dan: Beats me, the mayor just asked me to keep an eye on him to see of he'll be a good mayor I think….

Chase: You mean you're spying on Gill?

Dan: Yep, but the job's too big for one man, so if any of you want in on the action.

All three: *glance, glance*

Owen's log: Saturday 9:00 AM: With papers awaiting his approval and due by noon, Gill decided to take a nap instead.

Luke's log: 10:00 AM: Gill attempted to feed Hope's dog, the dog was not biting.

Chase's log: 11:15 AM: Gill began obsessively cleaning the windows. Still no progress on that paperwork with the deadline fast approaching.

Dan's log: Then at 11:47 AM Gill began furiously signing the papers all the while cursing that he did not have time for this.

Owen's log: In the afternoon Gill left to "check up on the island" during which time he received and envelope from Anissa at the flower shop.

Chase's log: In the envelope there appeared to be instructions for a rendezvous for it contained two tickets for a play.

Luke's log: In the evening Gill left early claiming he did not feel well, but I don't believe it. Judging by the look on his face, I'd say he's got a date.

Dan: Wait! The girl from the flower shop?! Not Anissa! Not my Anissa! I thought she was just playing hard to get with me!

Owen: If she's seeing two guys at one she can't be that hard to get.

Luke: If you're going head to head with the mayor's son over a girl you're screwed!

Chase: There's no way she'd pick a rancher over someone as proper as Gill-!

Dan: Shut up you jerks!!

Dan (writing in log): *sob, sob* They don't understand my feelings! I really thought this was love!

Luke: Wow Dan! Is that a surveillance log or a diary?!

Dan: Take that back you looser!

Luke: Look who's talking!

Owen: Yes! I love a good fight!

Chase: Come on guys! Lay down your pencils and make up!

Dan proceeds to shed surveillance log

Dan: That's it I'm through! I can't take this stupid investigation any more!!!!

Hope (going into work at town hall with dog at her heels): … *sigh*….

* * *

Part Two: The Bachelor Rancher

Dan sitting under tree outside town hall while Hope's dog jumps around him chasing a butterfly

Dan: Ya know Benji… you don't know how good you got it…. No worries, no friends to betray you…. *sigh*

Hope (inside town hall) looks out window

Hope: … Does anyone know what's eating Dan?

Gill (sitting behind desk): Maybe he got dumped again.

Luke (fixing a broken desk in the corner): He's psychic!

Hope: It's hard balancing this job, a ranch, and a relationship. You have no time, and good luck finding someone worth your while here.

Gill: Please, a man should be able to handle both work and women. I do.

Owen and Chase (looking through fliers on bulletin board): Yeah, that's his problem.

Gill: Hey…. Grief affects Dan's ranching performance which affects his ranch with affect me…. One of you guys find a girl for Dan.

Chase: But I'm a chef in training!

Owen: I can't find a girl for me!

Luke: Which ones are called by you, Gill?

Gill: What's that?

All: Nothing….

Gill: I don't suppose any of you know what he's looking for in a girl, do you?

Owen: Well when we were drinking he mentioned wanting a cute, smart, funny girl with a good personality who wasn't likely to cheat on him.

Gill: Right. Owen, go search the island for a cute, smart, funny girl with a good personality.

Owen: You want me to what?!

Gill: It'll be an assignment, now go ahead.

Several minutes later:

Owen (walking through town): Some assignment…. They didn't exactly teach picking up women when I was a blacksmith apprentice.

Phoebe walks out of general store and bumps into Owen

Phoebe (fixing glasses): Ow… I'm so sorry.

Owen: It's okay. Oh, Phoebe, how are you? Have you been well?

Phoebe: Something like that I suppose.

Owen: …. Hey hold on! You're a girl!

Phoebe: … Yeah… where're you going with this?

Owen: I'm looking for a cute, smart, funny girl with a good personality. Know where I could find one?

Phoebe (offended): Hold on! Are you some how suggesting that I am not a cute, smart, funny girl with a good personality?!

Owen: Oh it's not like that!

Phoebe: *rage*

Owen: It's really very silly! Gill told me to find a girlfriend for Dan.

Phoebe: Oh, it's for Dan.

Owen: Yeah have any ideas?

Cain walks over

Cain: Look no further! I have the perfect woman!

Both jump

Back in town hall:

Gill: Cain's daughter? You're kidding right?

Owen: No. He says she's single 'cause she's shy, not because she's not good looking.

Gill: Fine, take Dan over there you three.

The next day:

Dan stands at entrance to Brownie Ranch District with a wilted rose

All (looking around district): I-… it's huge…!

Dan looks at single rose, then at ranch

Dan: *turns around* That's it I'm going home.

Luke (pushing Dan back into the district): You kidding me?! You've hit the mother load with this one! All you have to do is convince her to marry you and you're set for life!

Chase: Your ranch will fly up the ranks in now time!

Dan: Marry her? But I don't even know her.

Owen: Well according to Cain she's every bit as beautiful as the rancher himself.

Dan: So she looks just like Cain?

Imagines Cain with long hair in a dress with a very deep voice

Dan: … *tries to run for it* *three catch him* Get your hands off me!!! I'm going home!!!

Cain runs out

Cain: Here at last! *grabs Dan and pulls him toward the house*

Chase: See ya!

Luke: Don't blow it!

All three run

Ten minutes later:

Dan half asleep while Cain continues to talk about his ranch

Hannah walks in

Hannah: Oh my, I hope my husband isn't boring you.

Dan (thought): … Husband? Well think about it rationally, Dan. If the father's large vertically and the mother's large horizontally then it stands to reason, mathematically speaking, that the daughter would end up looking something like… *imagines fat Cain with long hair in a dress with a deep voice* … No that's not right, some traits are more dominant, so it is possible if you cross a tomato with a potato it'll look like a tomato more… a pomato… AH! Stop thinking like a farmer!

Hannah: Well Renee's outside taking care of our newest baby horse, come meet her. *walks to the back door*

Dan (thought): Okay, moment of truth! Does she look like her dad or her mom?! Either way she's a monster but it she has to be a tomato or a potato please let her be a potato!

Hannah opens door

Renee brushing baby horse in the back of the house

Renee: *blush* … H-hello… it's nice to meet you Dan… I'm Renee….

Dan (thought): JACKPOT!!!!!!!

Cain: You see, I told Owen she was beautiful, and doesn't she look like me?

Dan: How so?

Cain: The eyelashes.

Dan: … Oh yes of course.

Hannah: Now don't be shy.

Renee: Um hi… again.

Dan: S-so what do you do for fun?

Renee: Well, I like animals.

Dan (thought): That's so cute! There's no way that's Cain's daughter.

Renee: They're a lot of fun to raise. *picks up baby horse like a baby*

Dan: … *shock, disturbance* (thought) Forget what I said that is one hundred percent Cain's daughter… but wait… if I look past her freakish strength and focus on what really counts, her looks, her sense of fashion, her estate, her heritage… it all adds up…. I suppose… I could be happy in the mother load!

Dan: Renee, You would make me a very happy man if you would allow me the privilege of taking you on a date.

Renee: *blush* In my dreams… I've always imagined… meeting a man just like you… except with a more muscular physique like my father.

Dan: *mortified*

Renee: I'm sorry but I only like good looking men.

Dan: *crushed*

Renee: Let's just forget this ever happened.

Dan: *humiliated*

Cain: Guess it wasn't meant to be.

Back at town hall:

Chase: One hundred says he blows the date!

Owen: I say they don't even have one!

Luke: My money's on him chickening out before he even sees her!

Hope: You realize you're all betting against him don't you?

All: Safest bet!

Dan: That's it… I'll just die alone.

* * *

Part Three: The Mystery of Boathouse 13

Chase and Owen walking home past the boating houses

Chase: Oh man! I'm starving! I haven't been able to afford a decent meal since I lost that bet! How pathetic, me being a chef and all.

Owen: And I've been stuffing my face ever since I won that bet.

Chase: Take pity and feed me!

Owen: Then the bet wouldn't mean anything.

Continue walking along road getting darker

Owen: They still haven't fixed these lights?

Chase: Y-yeah it's sorta creepy around here at night. –Course I don't buy the haunted boathouse rumors-

Digging sound begins farther ahead

Two look through darkness, see large boathouse in front of them with 13 painted on it

Both: IT'S HERE!!!!!

Next morning:

Hope puts food bowl with dog food and a piece of chicken in it in front of Benji

Hope: Stay, sit, down, roll over, shake, other paw, good.

Benji eats food and follows Hope to town hall

In town hall:

Dan sits in corner, still depressed about Renee, while others argue

Luke: Are you serious?!

Owen: As a heart attack!

Chase: Those rumors aren't rumors, they're true!

Luke: Why're you telling me this?! I won't be able to walk home tonight!

Hope: … Something happen to you boys?

Gill (irritated): They claim to have seen the fabled boathouse 13… idiots.

Luke: There's nothing idiotic about being aware Gill!

Chase: Especially when there's a bunch of ghosts out there!

Hope: Boathouse 13? I'm pretty sure there are only twelve.

Luke: There may only be twelve now but sometimes a thirteenth appears!

Owen: They say it shows up on the old execution grounds where thousands have been killed!

Luke: When the sun goes down and darkness falls the haunted building mysteriously rises from the blood soaked soil!

Chase: And you can hear the sounds of the executed clawing their way to the surface, SLASH! SLASH! They climb over the bodies of their fallen companions to seek vengeance on the citizens of Waffle Island!

Hope: …?

Three begin screaming and making ghost noises

Gill (cutting them all off): Did you ever stop to think it's because you live in this state of fear that see these thing? Your mind's playing tricks on you.

Chase: But we aren't the only ones! We've heard stories all over the island!

Gill: What is this?! A children's slumber party?! You superstitious nitwits need someone to give you a reality check and it might as well be me!

Luke: Really?! Hear that guys! Gill's going to join us on our midnight stakeout!

Chase: That's a relief! If the mayor's son is with us there's no way we'll ne impaled!

Gill: Hold on what stakeout?!

Owen: Our mission is to prove if boathouse 13 really does exist.

Luke: And you said you'd give us a reality check.

Gill: Well yeah but-

Chase: Pease! I have to go by there every day on my way home from here and it's eating away at my inners! Soon there'll be nothing left! Please Gill, help me!

Gill: *irritated*

That night:

Five walking through the boathouses, Dan bring up there rear (still depressed)

Gill: This is ridiculous. Four grown men trying to sneak a peek at a ghost on their night off.

Chase: By ridiculous you mean scary right?

Luke: Well it mean a lot that everybody came.

Gill: Let's just hurry so I can sleep.

Walk into darker section of boathouses

Owen: Oh yeah did we mention the lights are out from here on?

Gill: What the hell has my father been doing if he won't fix the clock or do this?!

Luke turns on lantern

Chase looks at boathouse wall and sees very tall and scary looking figure

Chase begins screaming

Gill: It's just a shadow!

Owen: Yeah these shadow can be your friends. *makes shadow of a dog* see just a cute puppy dog!

Flame licks up, shadow now looks like three headed monster

Three begin screaming

Gill: Stop freaking out!

Owen: Easy for you to say!

Luke: We'll stop jumping when things stop being scary!

Chase: I wanna go home!

Gill: How did I get stuck with such a pathetic group of villagers?! *storms down rows of boathouses* I'm going to prove to you there's no such thing as ghosts!

All four chase after

All: Don't leave us alone Gill!!

Stop at boathouse 12

Gill: This _ladies_ is the twelfth and final boathouse! And over there *points to open lot* is nothing but open space! So where is your haunted boathouse now?

Chase: Maybe it's a _ware_house like a werewolf and it needs a full moon.

Gill: Give it up Chase!

Luke points to another set of boathouses

Luke: Hey I think I know what you guys saw, look.

Boast house B

Luke: That letter B looks like a 13 in the dark.

Gill: So you misread it thanks to your own fear!

Chase: Then what about the ghosts?

Gill: They don't exist either.

Chase: Oh good! Now I can start taking my normal route home.

Gill (sarcastic): And we're all happy for you.

Five begin walking back and pass the empty lot

Gill: … Hold on… look there.

Points to area of overturned dirt

Owen bends down and begins digging through dirt, finds object and hands it to Gill

Gill: … Yeah, it's a bone.

Four: *gasp*

Luke: They're digging themselves up!

Chase: I told you this was the execution grounds!

Gill: Well even if it was they wouldn't have buried someone here. I think this is more the work of a murderer. This bone is the only clue we have of a crime someone would have rather forgotten.

Next morning:

Hope finishes feeding chickens and walks inside

Dog's food dish is empty but dog is nowhere to be found

At the empty lot

Gill (while others dig around with shovels): Out objectives are to find who the victim was, where they came from, and how they died! Spread out! Make sure you look everywhere! It might not all be buried in the same place!

Benji walks by Gill with chicken bone in mouth, walk over to the hole Owen has dug and drops bone in, then buries it

Long silence

Gill: *rage* Well I can't say I was expecting that.

Town hall:

Hope walks in with Benji

All sitting around looking tired and very upset

Hope: … How was your night?

All: I've had better.

Benji barks

All: *death stare*

_**Thanks for reading everyone! If you like FMA this might have made a bit more sense but if not I hope you found it funny! I'm probably not going to do another one of these so please tell me what you thought! Thanks agan for reading! :P**_

_**Tennessee**_


End file.
